My fingers shake, so I curl them into fists,
But I have no strength now to fight.
My head is pounding like a battle drum,
As I close my eyes against the light.
To distract myself I compose lists,
And sort boxes of faded memories,
But my stomach churns, my body numb,
This will not pass with ease.
Crippled slowly, I come to understand,
It is my heart that starves me so.
Bottling away what I cannot control,
It leaves me feeling weak and low.
I am strong, so I should demand,
That my mind and body are free,
I must bargain for my parole,
The right to be, once again, me.
Food. Sleep. Peace. Tranquillity.
I long for things now so far out of reach.
And truth. You elude me too, my friend,
And all the lessons you would teach.
I am now ravenous for a chance to be,
Secure and safe without this fear,
But hunger, my will you easily bend,
And all I do is cry another tear.